All this years, ever since in high school, i have tried to figured out who i really am. Growing up is hard especially when you don't know who you are. You don't know what do you want in life, no idea how to act, too careful and trying too hard to please people. When i looked at one particular girl, i thought 'okay, i wanna be just like her.' So i tried to be exactly like her. Try to talk like her, copy everything until i found someone else for me to copycat. How pathetic is that?
Its not easy being a girl, a woman. We are struggling to be what the society want us to be. Well, there is the mistake. Girls always become the victims of society. Victims of advertising and the media. Media trying to tell the girls, the accepted image for girls in the society. How to dress up, how to talk with guys, what kind of haircut that is the in-thing, the height and weight that is hot in the market, how your ass should be, how your boobies should be and trust me, the list will never end. That is too much for a girl to handle and to follow.
Who created all this rules and ideas to girls? The media. From films, magazines, music videos. When we watched it, we feel intimidated especially for girls who already suffered with low self esteem. Girls are easily influences by all this messages. As for me, i used to feel that way. But i think, i managed to overcome my weakness. That is what i think of me so far.
I still remember when i was 16, i watched The Princess Diaries starring Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrew. In the movie, Anne is a nerd in the school. She has no idea that she is actually a princess of Genovia. When her grandmother met her and told her the secrets, they think that Anne needs a makeover. They straightened her frizzy curly hair and plucked her bushy thick eyebrows. When i watched that part, i couldn't stop thinking about one thing. So is that how people perceived me? Well, i have a curly hair and my thick eyebrow is really one of a kind. I got teased a lot from girls in my school about my image. Not sure if they were joking or really enjoyed making fun of me. I feel ashamed of myself after i watched that movie.
Same goes to fashion. Following the trends is fine if you actually like the fashion. But sometimes, girls wear heels because it looks sexay although to tell the truth, some girls hate high heels. It hurts like hell wearing that! For now, whatever i wear, or how i act in front of people, that is because i wanted to do it that way. Not because i feel like i have to do that. No pressure. There are times when i feel like i wanna dress up nicely and put on some make up to look nice. Its not like im saying i look ugly without make up on because that will be an insult to god's creation. I just put on the make up for fun. I dont feel embarrass or the end of the world if anyone i know see me without my make up. There are also times when i feel like i just wanna dress up simple with no make up on. It is not that bad. I still got compliments when i am not wearing any make up so that totally boosted up my self esteem! Hehe.
I just wanna say that, yea it is true that girls, women, all wanna look pretty and beautiful. We can put some effort to be pretty but not to the extend where you become the slave and the victim of the society. Trust me, the society's definition of beautiful is fucking ridiculous. They just put on more and more pressure for girls. It is so sad that lots of girls our there are the victims, especially the teenagers. I am glad that i am not a teenager anymore and i managed to control my self esteem issue. I dont say that i am beautiful because that will be too shallow. But how can i not say it because aren't we all god's creation? In fact, beauty comes from within. I've seen so many pretty girls but sadly, they are not pretty on the inside. Such a waste. Im just saying, girls need to chill and please dont be too hard on yourself. For me, whenever i feel like i am not that pretty, i automatically feel like i am not grateful for what god gave me. I mean, he gave me everything. I can see, smell, talk, walk, everything. I am perfect because i am not disable at all. Why am i still complaining. There are some blind girls out there who prayed every night to see this world. Just like me. There are some deaf girls who cried because they cant hear anything but i can. So what else am i complaining about?
For now, i am fine with who i am and what god gave me. And if people say any negative things about me, or they make fun of my physical appearance, i will just smile and in my heart i will only say pfffttt! Just like the photo here. Uniqueness is so sexay. In my opinion, if all girls trying to be what the society and the media want us to be, then how will we stand out from the crowd if every girls are the same? Haha! You tell me! :)
P/s: Those who make fun of you are actually insecure about themselves. Just forgive them as their life is hard enough. Sense my sarcasm.
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