Gratitude

I used to hated my life. Always comparing my life with others. I know that people think that my life is lame and boring. Well, i already used to it. There are times when i feel like i wanna have the life like my friends life. But who knows, if they secretly wish that they have my life? 

I always tweeted about my life. Some people tweeted about how fantastic their life is. They tweeted something like, who are the amazing people they met, how cool the party that they attended and so on. But for me, actually my life is simple. I got excited over small things. Because why? Because i appreciate all this small things because although it is small, it makes me happy. It did.

What is not to be happy when you can go out and dine in with your family and have a good time. All of your family members in one table, enjoying great foods together. Millions of people out there are suffering and too bad some of the kids have to survive without their parents. And here i am, i still have my parents, my family and this are the little things that makes me smile.

Same goes to spending time with my boyfriend and my friends. Although the places that we go to hang out is an ordinary place, although all the things that we did together is too common, it never fails to make me happy. These are the things that i will miss when i get old. Why not enjoy it while it last? In this life, we can't have everything. We should never compare our life with someone else. Some parts of our story has determined by god and we have to go with it. What did you got when you started questioning  about all kinds of things and forcing yourself to understand why your life is not like the others. Comparing your life, yourself with others is never a good thing. 

I do have a breakdown once in a while. But when i tried to think of all the things that i should be thankful for, it somehow can makes me feel better. It healed me. As i get older, i realized that i never want a life like a woman living in a luxurious mansion, a fortune in my bank. No i never want that. I wanna be with the person i love, great family and friends, secure job and a happy life. Money is not everything. Believe me when i say that there are some people who have millions but they still cry themselves to sleep. Why is that? Because money cant buy you happiness. It is all in your mind and your heart. It amazes me when i saw that some people can enjoy their life although they always have money problem. 

The key to have that kind of life is to be thankful with what you got, even the smallest things. If you always wanna beat others in terms of job, money, you will never be satisfied. Count your blessing. You will be surprise how big it is when you combine all this small things in life. That will be the time you will realize that your life is not that bad. Someone out there are not that lucky like us. So bow down, pray to god and be thankful about all this little things in life. As little as it is, it is big for someone who knows how to be grateful. Gratitude can change your life. 

This is one of my favourite songs by Avril Lavigne. 

"Innocence"

Waking up I see that everything is OK
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

Uniqueness is sexay!

All this years, ever since in high school, i have tried to figured out who i really am. Growing up is hard especially when you don't know who you are. You don't know what do you want in life, no idea how to act, too careful and trying too hard to please people. When i looked at one particular girl, i thought 'okay, i wanna be just like her.' So i tried to be exactly like her. Try to talk like her, copy everything until i found someone else for me to copycat. How pathetic is that? 

Its not easy being a girl, a woman. We are struggling to be what the society want us to be. Well, there is the mistake. Girls always become the victims of society. Victims of advertising and the media. Media trying to tell the girls, the accepted image for girls in the society. How to dress up, how to talk with guys, what kind of haircut that is the in-thing, the height and weight that is hot in the market, how your ass should be, how your boobies should be and trust me, the list will never end. That is too much for a girl to handle and to follow.

Who created all this rules and ideas to girls? The media. From films, magazines, music videos. When we watched it, we feel intimidated especially for girls who already suffered with low self esteem. Girls are easily influences by all this messages. As for me, i used to feel that way. But i think, i managed to overcome my weakness. That is what i think of me so far.

I still remember when i was 16, i watched The Princess Diaries starring Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrew. In the movie, Anne is a nerd in the school. She has no idea that she is actually a princess of Genovia. When her grandmother met her and told her the secrets, they think that Anne needs a makeover. They straightened her frizzy curly hair and plucked her bushy thick eyebrows. When i watched that part, i couldn't stop thinking about one thing. So is that how people perceived me? Well, i have a curly hair and my thick eyebrow is really one of a kind. I got teased a lot from girls in my school about my image. Not sure if they were joking or really enjoyed making fun of me. I feel ashamed of myself after i watched that movie. 

Same goes to fashion. Following the trends is fine if you actually like the fashion. But sometimes, girls wear heels because it looks sexay although to tell the truth, some girls hate high heels. It hurts like hell wearing that! For now, whatever i wear, or how i act in front of people, that is because i wanted to do it that way. Not because i feel like i have to do that. No pressure. There are times when i feel like i wanna dress up nicely and put on some make up to look nice. Its not like im saying i look ugly without make up on because that will be an insult to god's creation. I just put on the make up for fun. I dont feel embarrass or the end of the world if anyone i know see me without my make up. There are also times when i feel like i just wanna dress up simple with no make up on. It is not that bad. I still got compliments when i am not wearing any make up so that totally boosted up my self esteem! Hehe. 

I just wanna say that, yea it is true that girls, women, all wanna look pretty and beautiful. We can put some effort to be pretty but not to the extend where you become the slave and the victim of the society. Trust me, the  society's definition of beautiful is fucking ridiculous. They just put on more and more pressure for girls. It is so sad that lots of girls our there are the victims, especially the teenagers. I am glad that i am not a teenager anymore and i managed to control my self esteem issue. I dont say that i am beautiful because that will be too shallow. But how can i not say it because aren't we all god's creation? In fact, beauty comes from within. I've seen so many pretty girls but sadly, they are not pretty on the inside. Such a waste. Im just saying, girls need to chill and please dont be too hard on yourself. For me, whenever i feel like i am not that pretty, i automatically feel like i am not grateful for what god gave me. I mean, he gave me everything. I can see, smell, talk, walk, everything. I am perfect because i am not disable at all. Why am i still complaining. There are some blind girls out there who prayed every night to see this world. Just like me. There are some deaf girls who cried because they cant hear anything but i can. So what else am i complaining about?

For now, i am fine with who i am and what god gave me. And if people say any negative things about me, or they make fun of my physical appearance, i will just smile and in my heart i will only say pfffttt! Just like the photo here. Uniqueness is so sexay. In my opinion, if all girls trying to be what the society and the media want us to be, then how will we stand out from the crowd if every girls are the same? Haha! You tell me! :)

P/s: Those who make fun of you are actually insecure about themselves. Just forgive them as their life is hard enough. Sense my sarcasm.