My future baby girl

It is still a long journey for me to reach there. In fact, i still don't know if i will get one from god. But i really hope that i will get a baby girl one day. Lately, i just love little kids. Especially girl. I'm not sure what is going on with me. Maybe i am ready to be a mother? I'm not so sure about that. It's even weird for me to blog about this. Although she's not here yet, not even in my tummy, but i'm so excited to have one. I even named her. I don't wanna jinx it so for now i will just call her my baby R. Yep, that is my future baby girl. She will be so lucky to have me as her mother. Here's a reason why.

I know what it is like to be a girl. I know what will make a girl upset and what they really want in life. What they expect this life to be. I totally understand that. I will love her with all my heart and i will do whatever it takes to make her happy. There are certain things that happened to me before that i don't want my baby R to face it too. I mean, what kind of mother that will let her daughter face the difficulties that she used to experienced right?

Baby R will have me as a mother and also as a friend. I will be there to pick her up when she fall, i will be with her through thick and thin. I will lend my shoulder when she need to cry out her heart. I will lend my hands to help her to get up and be a fighter. I won't let people look down to her. I will be her biggest fan.

Early in the morning, i will prepare a nice breakfast for her. I will comb her hair and tie her hair a high ponytail. I will give a big hug and say that i love her. I want her to know that i love her. I will save up my money so that she can have a piano lesson, art class, singing, ballet class, just name it. I will try my very best to fulfill it for her. At night, i will tuck her to bed and we can have a small talk before she fall asleep.

When she join any competition, i will give her full support and i will cheer for her. Even if she lose, i don't want her to feel bad. I want her to know that how proud i am to have her. Whenever she feel insecure, i will tell her that she is beautiful. She's beautiful for being a daughter for me. I will make her feel good about herself. No one will make fun of her, and even if there's someone who do that, i will let her know that, she will always have me.

My baby R can talk to me about anything. We will have an open and honest relationship together. We can talk, laugh, cry and shopping together. I will join her watch some kids movies in the cinema so that she will feel close to me. I wanna be a mother that she can look up to as a role model. On weekends, we will watch cartoon together. I will watch whatever cartoon she like and of course i want her to watch my favorite cartoon too! Tom n Jerry and Mickey Mouse! I want her to have my thick eyebrow. Of course she will 'inherit' that!

Baby R, mama want you so bad. Someday, i will hold you in my arm and we're gonna have so much fun together. Good night. Wherever you are.

24th birthday!

I am officially 24 years old. At first, just like everyone else. I feel old. I always said to others that age is just a number but when it was my birthday, i can't help but wish that i was younger. But, i had the best birthday celebration ever. Thanks to my beloved boyfriend and best friends who were there to celebrate it with me. I feel loved. This is the best birthday ever because it was a surprise celebration that my boyfriend planned it with my friends. He's so good!

Few days before my birthday, he told me that don't expect too much from him for my birthday because he's having some financial problem at the moment so he can't afford to treat me to some fancy restaurant although it is my birthday. I said it was okay but i still want to celebrate it with him. That's what counts. So he told me that we should just have a dinner at Paddington House of Pancakes at Mid Valley. I have no problem with that since they have the best pancake in town!

I arrived at Mid Valley around 7.30 pm and he said that he wanna have dinner at 8. I told him that i am starving and i want to have dinner now. But he refused. Then he said that he wanna go to toilet and i kinda feel weird because usually he was the one that have to wait for me when i went toilet but he was so long in there this time! Then i said, okay let's go and have pancake now. He said that we have to walk slowly cuz he has a foot ache. Now what?! We was at The Garden and while we were walking together, he said that he wanna go to Zara to check out something and i was pissed cuz just now he said that he can't walk really fast. And now he wanna go there? I was so mad at him and i asked him where is my present? He asked me what do i want? I told him with no doubt that i want Nicholas Sparks novel so we went to MPH.

There's a lot of novels by Nicholas Sparks and i don't know which one i want. At first i wanna take 'A Walk to Remember' but i remembered that Aizat promised to give that to me as my birthday present so i chose 'Message in the Bottle.' It's already 8 pm and he said lets have dinner. It's weird cause at first he wanna go to Zara then only we can have dinner. When we were about to enter Paddington Pancake House, he pulled my hand and i asked him where we wanna go? End up, we went to Tony Roma's.

Great! I love Tony Roma's and it was even better when i saw all my friends were there and they said Surprise! I can't stop smiling. And i said thanks to everyone. As usual camwhoring is a must! Amin brought his camera and he snapped lots of photos. Everyone ordered gigantic burger except for Yau and my boyfriend. I was having a good time with them. Later, the waiter brought a birthday cake for me with candles on and they sang birthday song to me and i was blushed. Really blushed! It's my favorite Chocolate Indulgence cake from Secret Recipe. Later, we know that we have to go back home and i thanked everyone again for making this very sweet and memorable. Thanks to Zafirah, Ain, Izzah, Yau, Amin, Faizal,and of course the planner, Mr.Alif or better known as Mr.Boyfie.

BFF (Ain, Fiera and Me)

I don't look like 24 right? :)

I love this! :)

BFF and BF :)

Now, it all make sense why he wanna have dinner at 8pm and why he walked so slow, and why he was so long in the toilet and why he wanna go to Zara first. Can he be anymore cuter? :)

True happiness is...

In life, we wasted so much of our time wanting to be someone we are not, wanting the things that we didn't have, complaining how bad our life is, complaining how we are unlucky. As for me, i wasted years of my life thinking about that. I regret every seconds that i have wasted thinking too much about it and it leads me nowhere but frustration. When i expect too much from life, too much out of something and when it didn't turn out the way i want it to be, that's when i know there's goes my time for nothing.

It took long time for me to realize that to be happy is not by having everything but make the best out of everything that i have and be thankful. Why we want to live in our own prison and wanting so bad to trade life with others? Thousand of people wish that they are you. Years ago, i have a problem with myself and i can't help but wish that i can trade my life with someone i know that they have a better life. And then it hit me. How the hell did i know that her life is that perfect? She chose to show the world her happiness but that doesn't mean her life is perfect. I don't know what is really going on with her life. Maybe if i trade myself with her, maybe i will regret after knowing about her true life.

I don't want to be my own enemy. I know that if i keep wanting the things that i can't have, im afraid that it will destroy me and the next thing i know, i am 40 already! Sometimes we are too focus on competing with others until we have no time to appreciate the things that we got. I know that my life is not that bad. I know that there will always other girls out there that possess anything much better than me but if i keep wanting to compete with them, when will it ever end?

It's not that i don't have dreams anymore. I do have of course but i know my limits. Yes, people said that the sky is the limit but i know that i should know where i stand and who i am. The things i already have in my life right now, this things can make me happy if i know how to appreciate it. I complained way too much to my friends about my life but they kept telling me that i am lucky to have what im having now. At first, it's hard for me to believe them but when i think about it again, my life is not that bad. I mean, of course there's ups and downs. Everyone experienced that but im tired wanting something and envying others who are doing better than me or anyone that is prettier than me but until when? There will always be another girl that is way prettier than me.

I wanna set my mind free. Free from all this negativity and comparing my life with others. It will never end. I am appreciating everything that i have now. Even the smallest things. It is amazing how your life can turn to be much better when you know how to be happy with your life. Even when your eyes are holding your tears although your lips still smiling, that is not kidding yourself. That is not pretending to be happy. That is being strong and it is wise for a girl to be strong no matter how her life is upside down.

I may not have the prettiest face, i may not have the best body figure, i may not have a fortune in my bank, i may not have the hottest pieces in my closet, but despite all of this, if i can still manage to smile, i am proud of myself.

I have me.

More than enough.