Time wont wait for you. So they say.
Although i want it again so bad.
I know that i wont have another one more day.
Those who were there in the pictures,
Those who have showed me the way,
Those who gave me so much to be thankful for,
May god bless you, i pray.
Although i want it again so bad.
I know that i wont have another one more day.
Those who were there in the pictures,
Those who have showed me the way,
Those who gave me so much to be thankful for,
May god bless you, i pray.
Six years ago, when i received the offer letter to continue my study in Matric Uia, i was so excited. I said to myself that this is my chance to turn a new leaf. Even my dad was so excited that she bought me pink umbrella, pink bucket and other pinky pinky stuffs. He knows that i love pink so much. I promised to myself that i will study hard and just make my parents proud of me.
When i stepped into my hostel room in matric, i know that i will have so much fun here. I was so happy to be the new girl. Not the same girl i used to be back in high school. I even brought my daily planner everywhere i go for crying out loud! Well, a girl can dream but when reality hits you, it hits you hard. It didn't turned out that way. Sadly.
I was an ICT student back then. I loathe maths. I tried to learned it but i just cant accept it all. It was hard for me to fit in with everyone in the class. I got no friends. My only friends are my room mates. I find it really hard for me to talk with all the girls in my class. I was so lonely. I don't know what i was doing. The environment, the surrounding is new to me and i cant adjust myself. I tried to run away from my problems. But how far can i go? Sooner or later, i know that i have to deal with it.
I never pay attention in class. I scribbled more than i jotting down the notes. I skipped class most of the time. I spend most of my time and my money at the cyber cafe. Well, i have no internet access back when i was in high school so when i entered matric, i hate to admit it but i am culture shock. I never care about quizzes, assignments and exams. All i did was just have fun and chill in matric. I don't know why i acted that way. Maybe i couldn't care less about my grades.
When i was 18, all i can say is, that is the time where i am struggling. Sort of dying. I was screaming for help, for attention but no one hear me. I had too much on my mind. No one to talk to. No one to share tears. No one but me. Yes, i was so alone. Loneliness is tragical. So they say. And yea it's true. I was lost. I don't know what i should do with my life. I was so confused, so scared, so pathetic. I have a huge problem with my boyfriend that time, problem with my study, problem with everything.
I cant handle it no more. I choose not to face it but run. I tried new things. I went to the clinic and pretended i was sick for so many times just so that i don't have to go to class although that time i have a mid term and quizzes. I don't care at all. I even asked the doctor to give me that yellow pills for flu and that pill is very strong and drowsy. Every time when i had too much on my mind, whenever i can't face the reality anymore, instead of taking one pill, i took 4 or 5 of it and i collapsed. I slept for hours and my body felt so weak. But it was a nice sleep and i was addicted to it. Whenever i am depressed, that is my remedy. I was dead for few hours. I was gone. I kept asking for more from the doctor. After 30 minutes, my body will feel shaky and weak. I cant even walk and move so i just sleep. That is how i deal with my problem.
There are times when i feel like i am trapped in matric. Everyone are studying for finals and i don't feel like it. I feel so stressful. I sneaked out a lot at night and just wandering alone in the dark. Don't know where to go and i was alone. That's how i tried to run away although i am already lost. Lots of things happened to my life when i was 18 years old and i don't see the point of living anymore. So i choose to gave up everything and let it be. And when i got my result, i was kicked out from matric.
My pointer is 1.4 that time so they said that if i want to enter matric again, i have to change course and seek for help. Seek for counseling. To that extend. So i when to counseling and just talked with one of the ustazah. But the things that they said to me are the things that i already expected. But when they asked me what do i like to do as a hobby, what i think i am good at, i told her what i like which is writing and reading. Later, they suggested that i change course to Human Science majoring in Mass Comm. So i just agree simply because my parent wants me to continue my study there. But to be honest, i don't feel like studying anymore.
But that was a right choice for me. I had lots friend compared to when i was an ICT student before. Back then, my ICT friends only Khaliq and Abi Zar. They know how i am struggling. When i change course, i know that it is the perfect course for me and i have lots of friends to guide me in my study so i passed everything and graduated from matric before i entered main campus.
I finally graduated and i still can't believe that i did it. Lots of people that i wanna say thanks because they are part of my 6 years journey struggling in matric and in uia. Although i don't really talk with some of them now, but i know that i owed them so much at least i should say thanks.
First, i wanna say thanks to my room mates in matric, Harly Shahida and Azah Ismail. I love you two so much. You guys are the first friends that i met in matric. We automatically clicked and have chemistry! I have lots of sweet memories with them. Even during the orientation week, we feel like we already know each other for years! Yes, i am close with them but i do feel lonely sometimes cuz i never open up to them about my problems but their jokes and our laughter somehow helped me reduced my pain that i was suffering before. I love our midnight gossip, midnight dance routine, midnight movies, our very own 'good morning', Azah dancing to her favorite arabian songs, Harly singing to Melly Goeslow. And then, there was Yana and Aishah. Azah's friends. This two are the bomb! When i hang out with them, somehow i managed to forget about my problems for a while. Their jokes is simply hysterical! Especially Aishah. Gosh i miss her! I miss the three musketeers!
And then, there was Ayu, Fifie, Atirah, Kak Pah, Amy and Myra. I love to watch movies with them and gossiping late at night. To my classmate Niza Nadine, well i thought at first, u don't talk to people cuz u look kinda snobbish. Sorry to say this! But you are just amazing. Sitting next to you in class is so much fun. And to my other classmates, Piyah, Pae, Kak Shila, Mardiana, Maisaraf and Aini. They helped me a lot with my study. We always have a study group and i miss it so much. Studying with you guys is so cool!
Then there's Qareezmi. My classmate for arab. Somebody introduced me to him. And we just clicked! Funny cuz we have lots of things in common. I mean our taste in music and movies. He talked to me about everything and i love our spontaneous dinner plan at 'aroma cafe.' I think most of the songs on his ipod are my favorite songs too! That's pretty rare. It's a pleasure knowing you and thanks again for the One Tree Hill DVD that i borrowed from you. This one is a big fan of My Chemical Romance and Man U!
Khaliq is the guy that i wont forget. We were having brunch together at the cafe and suddenly there was 2 ustaz walked to our table and lectured us about sitting together. We got fined for 'coupling' and that is plain stupid! But when i think about it again, it was funny! What do u expect, its an islamic university. I still remember how we started talking to each other.
He's more like a brother to me. We talked a lot back then. I mean really a lot! The best thing about talking to him is that i can simply say what ever i want without being afraid of being judge. He's like that too! Just so you know, you have a nice smile. I adore you. You always one step ahead from others. Thanks for supporting me when i almost give up in my life. He knows about my dad's condition and he always concerned about my dad. He kept asking me about my dad's health and it touched my heart and i am blessed to have a friend like you. And that is Abi Zar.
When i stepped into my hostel room in matric, i know that i will have so much fun here. I was so happy to be the new girl. Not the same girl i used to be back in high school. I even brought my daily planner everywhere i go for crying out loud! Well, a girl can dream but when reality hits you, it hits you hard. It didn't turned out that way. Sadly.
I was an ICT student back then. I loathe maths. I tried to learned it but i just cant accept it all. It was hard for me to fit in with everyone in the class. I got no friends. My only friends are my room mates. I find it really hard for me to talk with all the girls in my class. I was so lonely. I don't know what i was doing. The environment, the surrounding is new to me and i cant adjust myself. I tried to run away from my problems. But how far can i go? Sooner or later, i know that i have to deal with it.
I never pay attention in class. I scribbled more than i jotting down the notes. I skipped class most of the time. I spend most of my time and my money at the cyber cafe. Well, i have no internet access back when i was in high school so when i entered matric, i hate to admit it but i am culture shock. I never care about quizzes, assignments and exams. All i did was just have fun and chill in matric. I don't know why i acted that way. Maybe i couldn't care less about my grades.
When i was 18, all i can say is, that is the time where i am struggling. Sort of dying. I was screaming for help, for attention but no one hear me. I had too much on my mind. No one to talk to. No one to share tears. No one but me. Yes, i was so alone. Loneliness is tragical. So they say. And yea it's true. I was lost. I don't know what i should do with my life. I was so confused, so scared, so pathetic. I have a huge problem with my boyfriend that time, problem with my study, problem with everything.
I cant handle it no more. I choose not to face it but run. I tried new things. I went to the clinic and pretended i was sick for so many times just so that i don't have to go to class although that time i have a mid term and quizzes. I don't care at all. I even asked the doctor to give me that yellow pills for flu and that pill is very strong and drowsy. Every time when i had too much on my mind, whenever i can't face the reality anymore, instead of taking one pill, i took 4 or 5 of it and i collapsed. I slept for hours and my body felt so weak. But it was a nice sleep and i was addicted to it. Whenever i am depressed, that is my remedy. I was dead for few hours. I was gone. I kept asking for more from the doctor. After 30 minutes, my body will feel shaky and weak. I cant even walk and move so i just sleep. That is how i deal with my problem.
There are times when i feel like i am trapped in matric. Everyone are studying for finals and i don't feel like it. I feel so stressful. I sneaked out a lot at night and just wandering alone in the dark. Don't know where to go and i was alone. That's how i tried to run away although i am already lost. Lots of things happened to my life when i was 18 years old and i don't see the point of living anymore. So i choose to gave up everything and let it be. And when i got my result, i was kicked out from matric.
My pointer is 1.4 that time so they said that if i want to enter matric again, i have to change course and seek for help. Seek for counseling. To that extend. So i when to counseling and just talked with one of the ustazah. But the things that they said to me are the things that i already expected. But when they asked me what do i like to do as a hobby, what i think i am good at, i told her what i like which is writing and reading. Later, they suggested that i change course to Human Science majoring in Mass Comm. So i just agree simply because my parent wants me to continue my study there. But to be honest, i don't feel like studying anymore.
But that was a right choice for me. I had lots friend compared to when i was an ICT student before. Back then, my ICT friends only Khaliq and Abi Zar. They know how i am struggling. When i change course, i know that it is the perfect course for me and i have lots of friends to guide me in my study so i passed everything and graduated from matric before i entered main campus.
I finally graduated and i still can't believe that i did it. Lots of people that i wanna say thanks because they are part of my 6 years journey struggling in matric and in uia. Although i don't really talk with some of them now, but i know that i owed them so much at least i should say thanks.
First, i wanna say thanks to my room mates in matric, Harly Shahida and Azah Ismail. I love you two so much. You guys are the first friends that i met in matric. We automatically clicked and have chemistry! I have lots of sweet memories with them. Even during the orientation week, we feel like we already know each other for years! Yes, i am close with them but i do feel lonely sometimes cuz i never open up to them about my problems but their jokes and our laughter somehow helped me reduced my pain that i was suffering before. I love our midnight gossip, midnight dance routine, midnight movies, our very own 'good morning', Azah dancing to her favorite arabian songs, Harly singing to Melly Goeslow. And then, there was Yana and Aishah. Azah's friends. This two are the bomb! When i hang out with them, somehow i managed to forget about my problems for a while. Their jokes is simply hysterical! Especially Aishah. Gosh i miss her! I miss the three musketeers!
And then, there was Ayu, Fifie, Atirah, Kak Pah, Amy and Myra. I love to watch movies with them and gossiping late at night. To my classmate Niza Nadine, well i thought at first, u don't talk to people cuz u look kinda snobbish. Sorry to say this! But you are just amazing. Sitting next to you in class is so much fun. And to my other classmates, Piyah, Pae, Kak Shila, Mardiana, Maisaraf and Aini. They helped me a lot with my study. We always have a study group and i miss it so much. Studying with you guys is so cool!
Then there's Qareezmi. My classmate for arab. Somebody introduced me to him. And we just clicked! Funny cuz we have lots of things in common. I mean our taste in music and movies. He talked to me about everything and i love our spontaneous dinner plan at 'aroma cafe.' I think most of the songs on his ipod are my favorite songs too! That's pretty rare. It's a pleasure knowing you and thanks again for the One Tree Hill DVD that i borrowed from you. This one is a big fan of My Chemical Romance and Man U!
Khaliq is the guy that i wont forget. We were having brunch together at the cafe and suddenly there was 2 ustaz walked to our table and lectured us about sitting together. We got fined for 'coupling' and that is plain stupid! But when i think about it again, it was funny! What do u expect, its an islamic university. I still remember how we started talking to each other.
He's more like a brother to me. We talked a lot back then. I mean really a lot! The best thing about talking to him is that i can simply say what ever i want without being afraid of being judge. He's like that too! Just so you know, you have a nice smile. I adore you. You always one step ahead from others. Thanks for supporting me when i almost give up in my life. He knows about my dad's condition and he always concerned about my dad. He kept asking me about my dad's health and it touched my heart and i am blessed to have a friend like you. And that is Abi Zar.
Shahiful Azmi or better know as Epul. Gosh, i miss this guy! It's kinda funny how we started to know each other. I was in the same English class with him and we have to be partner for presentation. We never talked before so i know that it will be awkward with him. That night, he sms me and wants me to join him for dinner. I was shocked actually then later, when i met him, he said that he wants to get to know me first before we start preparing for our presentation. And that's how it started. We talked as if we have known each other too well. I might call him tomorrow cause i miss him so much. Hopefully he still use the same number.
That are some of the people that contributed to my sweet memories in matric. Entering main campus in Gombak is another story. I met lots of great people that until now, i kept thinking about them and i miss them. I swear if i talk about them one by one, this post will be almost like a biography of me so i will just make it short then.
Firstly, my IIUM FM family. Sir Johanni, Amni, Echah, Fizi, Fatin, Fadly, Fiza, Timah, Afiq, Husna, Sacide, Salam, Farhana, Faisal and Rashid. Thank you so much. It was a good experience and i had a great time with you guys. Then, my english classmate Sarah Iqbal. Sitting next to you in class is so much fun especially when Sir Mazlan in class with his hysterical jokes! Thanks also to Nurul, Tim, Imam Sayidi Anuar, Sonny, Habib, Safi and so many more. Gosh, i cant recall all this amazing people because there's too many!
Then my Comm Theory group mates, Farah and Liyana. Comm Theory is a hard subject. Thank god you guys are my group mate and i really appreciate your effort preparing the report together although we have to burn the mid night oil for that! But it was a great time spending with you guys!
Last but not least, Munir, Yoko and Syaza. No words can be use to describe them. Okey, maybe there's one. They are just awesome. Thank you for rocking my world! You guys are simply the best. I look forward for more spontaneous plan with you guys. Genting or mandi sungai again?
I know that there are more names that i should mention. But there's no way i can desribe each and everyone of them. Even this also kinda weird. I feel like i am an artist writing a thank you speech for my first album or something! But i just wanna express how i feel right now and i wanna let you know how blessed i am and how glad i am that i have the chance to know you guys. It is a pleasure. Hopefully, we will stay in touch. For some of them, i know it will be hard since we got our own life now but at least maybe one day when we bump to each other, we wont ignore each other.
After i got my official scroll, i realized that this is it. It's officially over. I got nothing else to do with uia. I am out. I was so emotional just now and when i told Yoko about it, he said that i can still come whenever i want. But that will be different. The feeling wont be the same again. As i was driving my car out from uia i stared at my side mirror and watched it slowly disappear. I was crying and it feels surreal. It's over. That chapter is over and i have to start a new chapter.
From being a loner and a completely lost girl, after six years, i have changed and thanks to uia for giving me so much to be thankful for. I have lots of bittersweet memories, i met lots of great people. Thanks for adding colors to my life. Its beautiful. May god bless each and everyone of you. May we will be happy with the life that awaits us. Just because we don't talk anymore, doesn't mean that i forgot you. You guys will always be in my heart. I love you all so much. As i am typing this, i tried to hold back the tears but i can't. Yes, i am sad that it comes to an end but i am still happy that i have a chance to get to know you people.
P/s: Can i say thank you again? :)
That are some of the people that contributed to my sweet memories in matric. Entering main campus in Gombak is another story. I met lots of great people that until now, i kept thinking about them and i miss them. I swear if i talk about them one by one, this post will be almost like a biography of me so i will just make it short then.
Firstly, my IIUM FM family. Sir Johanni, Amni, Echah, Fizi, Fatin, Fadly, Fiza, Timah, Afiq, Husna, Sacide, Salam, Farhana, Faisal and Rashid. Thank you so much. It was a good experience and i had a great time with you guys. Then, my english classmate Sarah Iqbal. Sitting next to you in class is so much fun especially when Sir Mazlan in class with his hysterical jokes! Thanks also to Nurul, Tim, Imam Sayidi Anuar, Sonny, Habib, Safi and so many more. Gosh, i cant recall all this amazing people because there's too many!
Then my Comm Theory group mates, Farah and Liyana. Comm Theory is a hard subject. Thank god you guys are my group mate and i really appreciate your effort preparing the report together although we have to burn the mid night oil for that! But it was a great time spending with you guys!
Last but not least, Munir, Yoko and Syaza. No words can be use to describe them. Okey, maybe there's one. They are just awesome. Thank you for rocking my world! You guys are simply the best. I look forward for more spontaneous plan with you guys. Genting or mandi sungai again?
I know that there are more names that i should mention. But there's no way i can desribe each and everyone of them. Even this also kinda weird. I feel like i am an artist writing a thank you speech for my first album or something! But i just wanna express how i feel right now and i wanna let you know how blessed i am and how glad i am that i have the chance to know you guys. It is a pleasure. Hopefully, we will stay in touch. For some of them, i know it will be hard since we got our own life now but at least maybe one day when we bump to each other, we wont ignore each other.
After i got my official scroll, i realized that this is it. It's officially over. I got nothing else to do with uia. I am out. I was so emotional just now and when i told Yoko about it, he said that i can still come whenever i want. But that will be different. The feeling wont be the same again. As i was driving my car out from uia i stared at my side mirror and watched it slowly disappear. I was crying and it feels surreal. It's over. That chapter is over and i have to start a new chapter.
From being a loner and a completely lost girl, after six years, i have changed and thanks to uia for giving me so much to be thankful for. I have lots of bittersweet memories, i met lots of great people. Thanks for adding colors to my life. Its beautiful. May god bless each and everyone of you. May we will be happy with the life that awaits us. Just because we don't talk anymore, doesn't mean that i forgot you. You guys will always be in my heart. I love you all so much. As i am typing this, i tried to hold back the tears but i can't. Yes, i am sad that it comes to an end but i am still happy that i have a chance to get to know you people.
P/s: Can i say thank you again? :)
