Britney next door

This is Britney Spears, the queen of pop. She started to shine in 1998 with the song 'Baby One More Time.' Poor girl, she has no idea the price of fame that she will get later. At the age when she started to become a star, she is well known as the girl next door and the princess of America. Every girl wanna be her and every guy wanna date her. She got it all. She got everything a girl could ask for. At the age of 16, she lived her life according to what the people want her to live. No objection, no question. She is the sweetest, and naive girl like we always see on television. She's like a role model to girls as she got a clean image. But how long can she stay like that as she get older?

In 2002, she was 21 years old. She is free but she's confuse. She started to question things. She wonder, why i have to act the way people want me to act? Shouldn't i suppose to live this life the way i want? This is my life and i am tired of living based on what people told me to do and what not to do. I am not a doll. I am not a puppet. That is when the drama started. Freedom is what she's looking for. Freedom is what destroyed her. She wanted to be free from the parents, from the fans expectations, from paparazzi so she did whatever she wanted to without even think the consequence of her action. She's no longer that sweet girl. Gone.

Rebellious. That is the right word. Things got worse when the love of her life broke up with her. She's all alone. She's surrounded with lots of people and she still feel alone most of the time. She started to look for distraction but freedom is what makes her feel like a trash. Confuse, miserable. Almost crazy. She's not a girl, not yet a woman. She's somewhere in between. Still searching for herself and learn from mistake. But when she's sober, she bounced back. She said, that is enough!

She started to search back for something and someone that will bring her back to the girl she used to be. Something that can keeps her grounded and stay sober. People say that once you fall, never be afraid to get up again. Its never too late to be what you used to be. When there's a will, there's a way. Absolute freedom can cause more damages. The things that keeps you grounded is not that bad. Being naive is better than being trashy. Now she is back being a sweet girl like a cotton candy. 

P/s: Her story is a little familiar.

Still a teddy bear girl

There's a quote i found few days back from the internet. The quote is 'the problem of people who are not happy right now is because they think the past is better than the present.' I felt like somebody just slapped me on my face. Yes i think that is true. Whenever i am upset, i always recalled back what is like to be in the past. I started to make a comparison about my life at the moment and my life back then. The funny thing is, back then, i always wanted to grow up and i always eager to know about the future. But now, its weird how much i wanted to go back to my past. Maybe because my life is so much simpler back then and its more fun.

How can it not be simple and fun? I was young. The amount of responsible that i have to carry back then compared to right now is totally different. I don't have to worry about money, love life, and i couldn't care less about the consequence of my action. All i did was just playing and fooling around. Maybe i don't understand yet what is the meaning of life. Right now, as i get older, life is not that easy. People might think that i have everything. Little did they know, how i feel. The way they said it to me, its like they think i don't have anything to worry about. How can that be? What do they know about my life? Sometimes it is hard to be me but i don't feel like telling people the details of my problem. So that is why they assumed that i got everything covered and nothing to worry. Boy, they are wrong.

I am not complaining about my life. I know that lots of people are dying to be in my place right now. When i am feeling down, or upset, i started to think of the people who are not lucky as i am and it somehow can make me feel thankful. But when stress conquered me, it didn't work. My mind started to wander around and i am back to my past. That is when i cant control my emotion because i miss my the past so much. Part of me knows that i can be a better person if i have the chance to go back to my past and fix my mistakes. What kind of crap i am talking about right now? There is no way it can happen. Exactly. That's what makes me sad.

I am going to be 25 in a few months. And here i am blogging about how much i miss my past. I know that nothing good will come out from this. But i think, its not only me. Everyone miss their past but they have let it go and move on. I moved on already. But whenever i am sad, i feel like something is pulling me back to my past and things got worse. 10 years ago, i have never imagined my life will turned out like this. Guess what? It did happen. And i am like... where did the time go? 

P/s: I still sleep with my teddy bear like a baby.