2011 closure

It's November and 2011 almost come to an end. Boy, what a year! My life has changed 360 degree. To be honest, by the end of 2010, i have my own plan for 2011 and i am so ready for it. I swear to god that i wanna change my life. But, something happened at the end of 2010 and my plan totally ruined because of it. I cried my self to sleep because i cant believe that the only thing that i really want that year, i didn't get it and to make it worse, it changed my plan for 2011. I was so pissed off at myself and i have no motivation at all too wake up in the morning. My plan completely ruined just by a small mistake but deep down i know that this is a test from god. In fact, it is a wake up call for me that i can't have everything that i want.

2011 is not really a good year for me although i have some good memories with some people but i don't really like the person that i have become. I mean, i have grown to be better but not in terms of everything. Well there are certain things that i am not proud of. I don't know how to say it but there are times when i feel alive every time i made a mistake. I feel normal and i know that it is real. But, what is the point of making a mistake and not learn anything from it? Yes it is true that you can't undo what has been done. The least that you can do is use it as a lesson for you to be better and to know yourself more.

Guess what? I made a mistake and sometimes i can't believe that i have done it. I used to judged people a lot but i hate it when people judge me as if they know everything. But the worse thing is, i have become the person that i swear i will never be. That is life. You think you know who you really are as a person but not really. As you get older, as you experienced more about this life, you know who you really are. So it's either you stick with it or become a better person. Of course i wanna be better.

In this year, i have my movie moment where everything feel so surreal. There are also a moment that i feel like there's no point of breathing anymore. I met lots of new people this year with so many characters and what's not to like about being an observer? I love to see peoples character. Don't you? The more people that you know, the more things that you can learn. Well that's what i believe in. Some of them make me special and wanted but some of them makes me feel like a trash. Bummer.

Sorry for the things that you don't know. I just wanna know what it is like to be you. This might sounds weird but i understand now what it is like to be you. Although it is fun, but no. I have to stop. I have experienced it and i have to move on. When i looked in the mirror, i saw more than one figure. So this is what people always said about alter ego or split personality. The yin yang that i am curious about, this is it. Right in front of me. Things are better left unsaid. At least make a promise to yourself. 2012 will be better.

P/s: Closing 2011 with smile and tears. 2012 bring it on.

People that i look up to.

Everyday we were surrounded with all kinds of people. As you get older, you know what kind of people that you like to be with. Not only that, you know who you look up to as motivation to be better and to be happy. There are some people that when you hangout with them, somehow it gave you a negative impact. Suddenly you feel so down and no self confidence. They make you feel like you are nobody. You started to look down to yourself. They make us questioning ourselves. Well, i don't like this kind of people.

I look up to people that always kind to others. They help others sincerely without hoping for any return. They make others feel like they are not alone in this world. They make us feel like we belong here and they are with us to help us when we fall. They always help us to get up and wipe our tears. They always have the best words of wisdom. They always know the right things to say to us so that we know it is not the end of the world when we are having problem. They are willing to lend their shoulders for us to cry on. They understand how we feel and they give us a hug so that we wont feel alone.

I look up to people that has a good relationship with their family. Sometimes, when i saw how close they are to their family and siblings, it gave me a piece of mind. I believe that everyone should have a good relationship with their family. They are the one that sacrificed a lot for us. I love to see the closeness of the relationship. When we were babies, our parents feed us, sang to us, and took care of us. And when the parents became older, it's their turn to pay back what their parents did to them. They woke up at night to give a massage to their parents. They took care of their parents when they got sick. I love the give and take relationship. It is like the relationship is too strong that no matter how they argue and have many differences, they are still family.

I look up to people that has a good sense of humor. Admit it. Life will be so lifeless without laugh. People said that laughter is the best medicine. It's the cure for illness that you wont have to seek a doctor to get it. Laughing can make your life better and i don't need to explain why because it has been proven clinically. In fact, those who laughed a lot tend to have a younger looks and people love to be with them especially when they are down and need something to cheer them up.

I look up to people that are not judgmental. They won't be too quick to judge whenever anyone are different from them. They will try to understand that person by trying to put their self in the different shoes. They always believe that there must be a reason behind everything. This kind of people, they know that we all have different kind of stories and experiences and that is the thing that lead us to be different from them. So instead of judging without even try to understand them first, they prefer to think of them as different and they know, no one have to be like them. Each of us have different opinions, and perceptions.

I look up to people that always remain positive. I know that once in a while, we will have a breakdown. After all, we are still human with feelings. We are not robots. If we are hurt, yes we can ignore it and stay strong. But if it's too much, it is okay for us to cry and let it all out so we can get up again and walk. Whenever we feel so down, they know how to make everything seems easy again. I adore them. I adore their optimism. I adore how much they still can see the light even when they are caught in the dark. It's like they can still see the light bulb for them to continue breathing. This kind of people makes everything seems so much easier if we open up our mind and pay attention to details. If we look around, we can always find a solutions for a better living.

I look up to people who are very down to earth. They have the money, they have the looks, they have everything but still, they act normal. Just like us. They are not arrogant, snobbish and look down to people. Even if you are beautiful, what is the point if you have an ugly heart? That will just ruin everything. Don't you think so? They are not stingy to share what they have. They are not making fun of those people that are not as pretty as they are.

I look up to people that used to be a failure. They can give so much life lesson to us. I don't like people that never make a mistake. I feel like they are just plain boring! Those who failed before, they learn from their mistakes. And when they are success now, it makes me believe that when there's a will, there's a way. Miracle do exists.

When i look at this people, i kept saying to myself that i wanna be like them and that's why i look up to them. They are such an inspiration for me to be a better person. I wanna make this world a better place. There's too much hatred and jealousy going on in this world and i think it's ridiculous. Why can't we see other people happy? For me, if they are happy, it is also a motivation for me to achieve that happiness too. Life will be so much better without jealousy. Hatred leads to nowhere.

P/s: We only live once. Leave a good footprints.